Hi all, here we are with Week 43! April shares how her recent Autism diagnosis has shown her more about herself and hearing from God. I am really proud of April and the journey she has been on with her diagnosis. I have highlighted all the times that light appears in her writing - to highlight how bright she shines for others. May her story encourage us all to shine bright!
In April's words...
After my recent diagnosis of autism, I thought I was going to feel relieved. Relief surely came but just as quickly left, leaving me in a very dark and lonely place. Autism had always been part of me, but having the confirmation made me see my life through a new lens. Suddenly, I felt all alone, unable to see the light at the end of the "loneliness and grief tunnel". My traits became harder to deal with and I started to realise why nobody truly understood me. Although still bubbly and vibrant on the exterior, I felt my inner brightness was fading.
My world felt like it was closing in on me and everything seemed to be falling apart both internally and externally. I had no friends I felt comfortable opening up to, I felt my family wouldn’t be able to understand me, even if they tried, and anxiety over others’ scepticism kept me from talking about my struggles to anyone else. My connect group at church, my main source of comfort and support, disbanded at this crucial time, leaving me feeling even more isolated. I thought God was absent and felt angered that He seemed to be abandoning me when I needed Him most.
But then, a glimmer of hope appeared - one (or many) doors closed but another opened. With the ending of my connect group, I reached out to the group leader Laura, now a dear friend. She suggested we read a Bible passage daily and shared our thoughts and reflections. This practice not only brought me to a consistent Bible reading habit, but also deepened a friendship I didn’t know I needed.
I wondered why I had lost so many friendships but Laura helped me realise that God was making space in my heart for new things—and she was right! When I thought God was taking everything away from me, He was preparing me to receive better things.
One day, we read Luke 11:33: “No one lights a lamp and puts it in a place where it will be hidden, or under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, so that those who come in may see the light.” This resonated with me as I’ve always been vibrant and full of energy, although I now felt quite dim. It encouraged me that God made me the exact way I am, He delights in me and wants to proudly highlight the traits I am finding so difficult to accept.
A few days later, someone at church shared an image they had of me standing in a dark place with a faint light far away on a zig-zag arm. She said I reached out and pulled the light closer and it felt like God was telling me to draw Him closer and let His light shine in me. I was definitely in a dark place and needed reassurance that God was with me.
This same lady introduced me to Lectio365. The following day I tuned in and one of the first phrases was about reflecting and refracting Jesus’ brilliance through our lives; making me realise that light too reflects and refracts. This was followed by a prayer: “Lord of light, shine in me and through me.” This powerful message was undeniable. I finally felt God was with me and encouraging me.
It reminded me that even though I struggled to trust my internal feelings, I could still hear God’s voice through others. This is especially meaningful for me as an autistic person navigating the complexities of emotions and connections, and not being able to understand them.
It was clear to me that God wanted me to embrace my uniqueness and take pride in my traits – he did not create me to hide me under a bowl, rather for people to witness my light. I felt inspired to let my true self shine and no longer mask who I am. I believe God called me to be a beacon of hope for others feeling the same. I wish to empower every neurodivergent person to embrace how wonderfully and thoughtfully God has created us but first, I needed to let God’s light shine within me and help me accept myself before I could let that light shine through me and empower others on their journeys too.
I underestimated the many ways God could speak to me daily. I was expecting a distinct voice telling me I would be okay, or a feeling of peace but I just had to connect the dots and realise he’s forever present, even when I don’t feel it. I learned that even in the darkest times, God is always by my side, ready to shine His light in and through me. Sometimes, we just have to lean into the unexpected ways God speaks to us.
My diagnosis journey is undeniably tough. I’m still finding my way through this dark tunnel, learning to be my authentic self and accepting the unique way God intended and created me to be. The struggle is very real but it is God’s promises that fill me with hope and keep me moving forward, towards the light. His unwavering presence reassures and comforts me, encouraging me to shine bright!
April is an interior architect, an avid traveller, and a dedicated mother to her neurodivergent son. With 53 countries already explored, she's on a mission to visit every corner of the world. She's deeply committed to learning about, educating on, and advocating for neurodiversity (and now herself) - all sparked by her son's journey.
Thank you all so much for reading this story about God connecting with his people. Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
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